You did it for you. It’s not the fact that you told him you love him. It’s the demons that you couldn’t confront. It’s the walls you threw up in defense against the darkness that offended you. It’s the trial of trauma you faced all those years ago at the hands of one who you were supposed to trust, who should have loved you…but one who abused your trust instead.
No, it’s not the fact that you admitted anything to him. It’s the fact that you admitted you could love – the fact that you admitted it to yourself. You submitted to love.
You did it for you. It’s not merely the fact that you detract a toxin from your day-to-day. That was to preserve yourself. Instead, it’s the fact that you put your essence into your decision, a decision that smells of you, of your precision, your conviction, your self-possession; you decided it was up to no one but you to possess your light.
No, not the fact that you blocked him from your life. It’s the fact that you chose your self-credence and left him to contemplate himself. It also left him to rise to meet you-whether he did or not.
But you didn’t betray your self-worth. At least, you decided to never do so again. You, first. Happiness follows next. The rest will follow, if they dare.
How will I ever be able to say…
I did it for me?